…unfortunately!

I’ve now uploaded the pictures to the gallery page. Just follow the link on the right to see them if you fancy a giggle! Some of them are very old and haven’t weathered very well (I’ve been carrying them from flat to flat in boxes for years!) If the response isn’t too bad, I’ll add extra pictures soon.

Tommy

Had a very strange dream last night. For some reason, the government placed a £15 tax on every book – including the ones you already owned. This meant that most people couldn’t keep their book collection and had to get rid of them all except for three (why three, I’m not sure!)

I woke up wondering which three books I would keep if this really happened. It’s a tough question. In fact, I’m sitting here, looking at my bookshelves, and I still don’t know. OK – time to force myself! Here’s a possible three book line-up…

The Lord Of The Rings. Yes, I know it’s a trilogy, but I’ve got a copy that has all three volumes in one book, so I hope I’m allowed to keep that. Years ago I had an operation and was laid up for two weeks afterwards. I had a friend pick me up some Tolkien reference books from the library, and I re-read LOTR but, this time, stopping at every name, song or poem and cross-referencing them. It was slow going and I’m sure I only scratched the surface, but it gave me a brief look at the sheer scale of Tolkien’s writing.

Dictionary/Thesaurus. Another two books in one! I love words, so a book like this would be a must for me. I am wary of filling my writing with long or complicated words just to try and look like ‘a writer’, however. If you write for children, you must always remember your audience every time you sit at the computer screen.

This third book is a real problem. What to choose? A classic – I’d go for Catcher In The Rye by JD Salinger. ‘Literature’? David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. A biography – Harpo Speaks, the story of Harpo Marks is wonderful. Poetry by Wordsworth or Keats? What about a modern book, a children’s favourite, or even one of my own? I think, in the end, I would have to choose:

The Complete Works Of William Shakespeare. Yes, another multi-book tome. At least it would take some time to read! While I’m not someone who bangs on about the importance of Shakespeare, I do enjoy his plays (Othello being my favourite).

So, there you go – the three books I’m allowed to keep. What would you choose?

Tommy

I’m not a fan of soap operas, but I tuned into Coronation Street last night to watch the final scenes of actress Liz Dawn, who plays Vera Duckworth. After so many overly-dramatic soap deaths – ‘plane crashes, kidnappings and the like – it was refreshing to watch a simple yet dignified ending to a long-standing character.

Congratulations to the writers and to actor Bill Tarmy as long-suffering husband, Jack. The final scene where he talked to his beloved pigeons was beautifully under-played and brought a lump to the throat.

Tommy

I ran a fun creative writing workshop with year six from St. Michael’s school in Jarrow yesterday. The event took place at Seven Stories, the centre for children’s books in Newcastle, where I am the current writer-in-residence.

As part of the workshop, I was demonstrating how to brainstorm new stories and stumbled across an idea about a toilet that sucks the insides out of anyone who sits on it! I’m now resisting all temptation to write it!

Tommy

It occurred to me after reading back over the previous post about finding a literary agent that I neglected to include one vital piece of advice: finish the book first!

It may sound glaringly obvious, but I’ve known so many writers who have an idea for a book and start to pitch it before they’re even at the end of chapter one. They figure that, as it can take so long to hear back from agents, they have plenty of time to write the thing. This attitude, however, can easily backfire.

What if your query letter for child-becomes-robot novel lands on an agents desk just as she’s getting off the ‘phone with Mr Big Publisher who’s been saying that what he really wants is a book about an android that used to be a small boy? Bingo – the agent is going to want to read your book now! If it’s not ready, you’ve wasted both her time and your own. And you can bet you won’t get another chance at that agency.

Even more likely is that your book will change as you write it. Characters will develop, plot twists will happen and, on occasion, the finished book will look nothing like the idea you started with. If you’ve already pitched the book as one thing and it’s become another – you simply can’t send it out.

Years ago, when the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective first came out, I was carrying around a vague idea for a comedy screenplay set in a theme park. As soon as I saw Jim Carrey on the big screen it hit me – this story would be perfect for someone with his talents! So, I wrote a query letter and sent it to his agent in Hollywood thinking, at best, I’d end up with a pretty fancy rejection to show around. It didn’t happen like that.

Three nights later – just three – the ‘phone rang. It was Jim Carrey’s agent. Jim liked the idea and wanted to read the script. Sh*t! I stalled for time, saying it was going through another draft at the moment and I could send it over in two weeks’ time. Then I got off the ‘phone and I wrote. I wrote and wrote like my life depended on it, trying to stick to my original pitch – the one Jim Carrey liked, no less – and complete a feature length comedy screenplay in two weeks. The result was a mess and, as you can imagine, I never heard back. Lesson learned.

So, finish the thing before you query. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes time. But it will be worth it.

Another of the questions I’m asked by new writers is, ‘Do I need an agent?’, closely followed by ‘How do I get one?’

My answer is always the same. No, you don’t need an agent to sell your writing; I sold my first four books direct to the publisher. However, if you want your work to land on the right editor’s desk and – more importantly – get the attention it deserves, then you need an agent.

More and more publishers are refusing unagented submissions, and who can blame them? The average guy in the street would never think of sitting down at a piano and playing a concert to a paying crowd without lessons or practice. Yet, because everyone knows the alphabet, they think they can write. A lot of wannabe writers simply hammer out the first idea they have with no concern for formatting, style or technique, then flood the market with their ‘masterpiece’. These manuscripts clog up the slush piles for the likes of you and me.

However, if an editor receives a submission via an agent, they know that the manuscript has already received a critical eye from someone who knows the publishing business and they’ll treat it seriously. If agents were to submit bad work, their reputations would quickly suffer – so they work hard to filter out the rubbish, and provide publishers with quality, salable writing. Think of it as the first of many quality control barriers your MS must pass through on the road to publication.

Plus, no-one knows more about publishing contracts than agents. They negotiate, amend and agree them on a daily basis. Trust me, if you’ve ever tried to wade through the jargon of a book contract, you’ll be glad to have someone on your side who speaks the lingo.

So, you need an agent. My writing career took off the day I shook hands with mine (and I’m not saying that just because I know she pops in here from time to time!) My agent is a force to be reckoned with when necessary, and I’m very glad we’re on the same team.

Getting an agent, however, isn’t easy. I should know; it took me years. There are, however, things you can do to help you get closer to the day you sign on the dotted line. What follows is advice I’ve learned by trying, failing, and trying again. You may already know a lot of what I’m about to say but, with any luck, there’ll be a nugget of information in this article that will find you an agent.

10. Don’t send your manuscript to anyone!

At least, not yet. Think for a second. Is it ready? Have you rewritten, put the piece away for a while, then rewritten again? Have you shown your work to and received criticism from other writers? No – showing it your significant other and/or parents won’t do. They love you. They’re proud of you. They won’t, despite what you think, tell you if your writing stinks. You need someone else in the same boat for that. You need another writer.

I send everything I write to an author friend of mine, and he sends everything he writes to me. We’ve been doing it for ten years (we weren’t authors when we started doing it – just two unpublished writers who met on an Internet forum and got chatting). We’re brutally honest about each other’s work; there would be no point in emailing it back and forth otherwise. Most of the time it’s just good to hear that everything reads the way you planned but, occasionally, we spot a glaring error or two that would have spelled doom had we submitted the piece without fixing.

Don’t know where to find a writer pal? Subscribe to one of the many online writer forums and get chatting until you find someone with a similar outlook. Join a local writers’ group or, if there isn’t one, stick a card in the library and start one. There are people like you everywhere, and your writing will benefit from meeting them.

One final point on getting that critique. Don’t pay any attention to the notion that other writers will steal your work if you send it to them to read. Trust me, they’re far too wrapped up in their own projects to want yours.

9. Take off your rose-tinted glasses.

Your work isn’t perfect; nobody’s ever is. Mine certainly isn’t. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that there isn’t a single creative project in the world that cannot be improved in some way. The trick is knowing when to stop fiddling and start submitting. You also need to be able to take criticism.

Yes, I know this is your baby, and you’ve probably spent long hours crafting it – but other people will find fault with it. It’s the nature of the business. You don’t always have to take their advice, or act upon it, but you do have to accept that suggestions will be given. I know a talented musician who wrote a song and sent it in to a music publisher. The publisher passed but was gracious enough to offer a few pointers as to how he thought the piece could be improved. My friend went ballistic, claimed the song was perfect as it was, and actually wrote back to the publisher to argue the point, saying that he obviously didn’t know a good tune when he heard one. You can bet the publisher didn’t consider any more submissions with that name at the top.

So, accept that people are going to tell you how things should change. They’re probably not going to be subtle about it, either. Chances are, they may have some great ideas you can use to improve the piece for its next submission. If you don’t agree, be ready to thank them for their time and move on.

8. Research, research, research.

You wouldn’t walk into a jeweler’s shop and ask to buy pork chops, and neither would you visit your butcher for a diamond ring. Yet writers consistently send out their work to agents – and publishers – who simply do not deal with their genre of books.

Sending your children’s adventure to an agent who deals with adult non-fiction won’t get you blacklisted anywhere, but it is a waste of your time, and that of whoever has to deal with your query at the other end. How much better to target your submissions to someone who might be interested in your work?

It’s not as if the information isn’t out there. Visit any bookshop and you’ll find writers’ directories, and virtually every agency has a website now with – get this – submission guidelines. They’re telling you what they want and how to give it to them – and yet so many writers get it wrong. Don’t be one of them.

7. Proper manuscript format

I’m not going to get into the age-old argument of Courier vs Times New Roman (if a publisher or an agent has a preference, they’ll tell you in their submission guidelines), but I will say this: make your manuscript look like a manuscript.

If you’re not sure what a proper manuscript should look like, check out William Shunn’s excellent guide here. Put simply, type on one side of a piece of paper, double-spaced with margins all around. Number the pages, put a basic header on each page and your contact details clearly on the title page.

Do not bind the manuscript in any way. No staples, no ring binders, no combs. If you must secure the pages – a simple bulldog clip at the top will do. That’s it. You wouldn’t trust a plumber if he turned up with a toolbox filled with odd looking implements. You want him to have plumber’s tools, pure and simple. Make sure your manuscript – your tool – shows you to be a writer.

6. Don’t try to be clever.

I’m not referring to your writing here; by all means try to be clever there. I’m talking about your submission. Trust me – being cute or unusual will only mark you out as an oddball; someone to be wary of. I doubt there is a single instance of an agent saying, ‘Look! Miss Writer has splashed red paint over the pages of her murder mystery manuscript! I’ll sign her today!’

You want potential agents to see you as nothing more than a potential client. A writer. That means you behave professionally from the word go – submission included. So, no clipart, no sketches (unless you’re a competent artist hoping to illustrate your own book), no coloured or patterned paper, no gifts in with the MS, so photographs of yourself, no reviews from your kids saying how much they like your stories… Nothing but the MS and a brief cover letter.

You really want to send an agent flowers? Wait until you’ve signed your first book contract through her. That’s what I did.

5. Query first.

Your first point of contact with a potential agent is a well-crafted query letter. There are dozens of websites devoted to writing queries, and I’ll be covering the topic myself in a future post. Query letters aren’t easy to write. You have to hook the agent with your idea, show her that you can write and give her enough of your background in just one page. Yes, you read that right – one, single page.

Search online for tips on writing great query letters but please do not make the mistake of sending in your entire manuscript unless it is specifically requested. All you’re doing is burning bridges. Some agencies allow you to enclose a chapter or two with your query or, rarely, query via email. Their submission guidelines will tell you exactly what you can and can’t send.

4. Follow the guidelines.

Yes, I’m telling you to read the guidelines again – but so many writers don’t. The agents out there are trying to help you get published, all you have to do is listen! If the guidelines say send three chapters, send three. Not two, or five, or four. Three. If they say they’re snowed under and aren’t accepting submissions – don’t submit anything and move on to the next agency! It’s that simple!

And, yes, the rules apply to you. No, you will not stand out by sending what you want, when you want. Your submission will simply be consigned directly to the rubbish bin. Why would an agent want to work with you if you can’t follow a few, simple rules? How does she think you will be when faced with a mountain of notes from an editor if you won’t listen when asked to send in nothing more than a brief outline?

Can’t find an agency’s guidelines on the website? Write in for them, enclosing a stamped addressed envelope. It will be worth it.

3. Get Snarky!

Sadly no longer active, Miss Snark’s blog was an acerbic peek into the life of a literary agent. The archives are still online here. Read everything. Laugh. Then do exactly what she says.

2. Use the correct postage.

Do NOT guess when sending in a manuscript. Take your package to the post office and get it weighed. If you don’t put enough postage on, your MS is likely to end up in a sorting office somewhere, waiting to be collected. Guess what? A potential agent won’t go there and pay the extra on the off-chance that yours is a work of genius.

The same holds true about return postage. If the agency guidelines (yes, those again!) say to enclose a stamped addressed envelope big enough to hold your MS, do it. Don’t subscribe to the oft-quoted idea that if you don’t enclose return postage, the agent won’t need it. Follow the instructions.

While we’re on the subject of posting out your work, do yourself a favour and send out a fresh, clean copy each time. No agent wants to wade through a manuscript covered with scribbled out notes and unexplained stains from previous use. The extra paper and printer ink are worth the effort to look professional.

1. Forget it and write something else.

Yes, my number one tip for finding an agent is to submit your manuscript and forget about it. If you sit by the door holding your breath as the postman approaches each morning, you’ll drive yourself insane. The best thing to do is forget it and start on your next book (you’ll want to something ready in case the agent says, ‘I like your writing, what else do you have?’)

Do NOT chase the agent for a response. Not after a week, not after a month, not after a year. Trust me, if they want to talk to you, they’ll contact you. Yes, there’s always the chance that your MS got lost in the post, or dropped down the back of the reader’s desk. If they don’t reply, put it down to fate and move on. I think I can safely say that no agent has changed her mind about rejecting a book because the writer called to hurry her opinion.

So, there you are – my 10 top tips to help you get a literary agent. Do I know everything? No. Will every tip apply to every writer or agent? Of course not. All I have to go on is my experience and, through that experience, I did it. If I can, so can you.

Good luck!

Tommy

Keen-eyed visitors will notice that I’ve updated the look of my site again – the second time in the past three months. This is because the previous design, which I liked, was taking far too long to load in certain web browsers – so, back to the drawing board it was.

I think the new look is very fitting for the style of books I write and, within time, I’ll be able to incorporate elements of the Scream Street books themselves.

So, have a look around, and let me know what you think!

Tommy

It’s tough but, at some point, you’re going to get stuck. Happened to me yesterday…

I was working my way through the second draft of the third book in the Scream Street series, and made quite a few changes to several of the chapters. All was going well until I realised that the original ending didn’t fit anymore. The alterations I had made earlier in the book meant I had to come up with a brand new ending. The problem was, I couldn’t think of one.

So, I did whatever I recommend to anyone facing the problem of writer’s block – I took a break. I got away from my desk and let the problem simmer for a while. how could I create an original and exciting ending to this book? I had dinner, watched some TV and played with the kids – all the while, letting my mind work on the ending for the book.

The answer came, as it always does, from what I had already written. I went back through the book and made notes of every item, comment or action that isn’t followed up – one of them had to pay off in the end. Before long, an idea hit and, even though I was sitting in bed with a notepad, I had to get up and write the last chapter there and then. I was worried that I wouldn’t remember my idea in the morning, or even be able to understand my hastily scribbled notes!

I had to go back and tweak a few scenes to lay clues for what would happen at the end but, eventually, I had a climax to the book that both made sense, and was fun to read.

So, whenever you’re stuck on what happens next, just read back over what you’ve already written. Chances are, the answer is already in there somewhere.

Tommy

One of the questions I’m asked most often (aside from ‘what are you doing in my garden?’) is how I got my books published. What’s more interesting than the question itself, however, if the belief and/or hope that there is some sort of magic formula or shortcut that I have found and can give the questioner to stop them having to do it the hard way.

There’s no secret formula. I did it the hard way.

So, in case it may help other writers who read this blog, here’s how I did it…

I started writing while still at school, eschewing the teenage norm of hanging out on street corners to sit home and practice my art. Thankfully, I hit the library (no Internet back then…) and knew enough about how books were made not to send off my first ever attempts (although I did send some sketches out to Spitting Image, Stephen Fry and Ben Elton, getting very kind ‘keep it up’ letters in return.)

As you will know if you’ve read my biography, I then went into the world of acting (the only known industry more precarious than writing!) and fought my way through jobs entertaining kids at holiday camps and on Russian cruise liners to a role in a West End musical. Even that was part luck and part metal balls – I went to see the show with my parents, saw a part I thought I’d be good at, wrote to the producer to ask for an audition, got the audition where they saw me for a different part, stopped halfway through and said I wanted the original role for which they reluctantly let me read. Eight years later, I was still there (no, not at the audition! In the show!)

While I was in Buddy, I kept on writing, turning to the age-old phrase, ‘write what you know’. I’d worked with kids for years, so why not put together all the games and activities I’d been using, and pitch them as a book. It worked, and Quick Fixes For Bored Kids was published soon after. I went on to write three more titles for the same publisher, all packed with things to do for bored kids. Not what I wanted to write, but a foot in the door, nonetheless.

Then the door shut over my foot.

Buddy closed, I left London, and the book worked dried up. I worked for a few months on a computer tech support line, then auditioned for a role in a very small, touring schools and clubs panto. I did the tour, and stayed with the production company in order to write some of their shows. I still toured in them and often found myself playing a part in show ‘A’ while writing show ‘B’. Hard work, but great fun.

I was still writing in what little spare time I had, sending off my work to publishers and agents, and amassing an impressive collection of rejection letters in return. Still, I kept refining my work, and creating new projects. Eventually, I was given the chance to write a sample chapter for Egmont Books – they were looking for new writers for their 2Heads range, and I was offered three titles in their Too Ghoul For School series (I’ve since written a further two).

That gave me enough fiction publishing credit on my CV to get a meeting with an agent. I’d sent her a novel I’d written, but it wasn’t what she was looking for. Fortunately, I had a back-up plan and pitched her another idea I’d been developing. Scream Street was born…

It took me almost a year of various drafts to get Scream Street ready for submission (my agent assured me it was worth the extra effort to get it right before we found a publisher), and the series found a home with Walker Books.

So, it’s taken me almost 20 years to be an overnight success. I’m 40 years old and considered a new writer! And the reason is, I stuck at it, took criticism of my work and, most of all, kept writing! You do the same, and you can do it, too.

Tommy

Time to plug a pal – and it’s none other than NYC rock star for kids, Uncle Rock!

Uncle Rock is the ultimate performer for the child in all of us, with incredible songs such as Like A Pirate, Disco Nap and, my personal favourite, Sugar talkin’, Uncle Rock’s CDs are packed with great tunes and laugh out loud lyrics that’ll have you wishing you were six so you could rock out with your air guitar again!

But, hey – don’t take my word for it – go to www.unclerock.com and check it out for yourself!

Tommy