Children’s Author Calls For
Librarians To Be Fed To The Poor
Children’s author, Tommy Donbavand, has today called for librarians to be slaughtered, minced, and fed to the poor.
“In the wake of the horse meat scandal, it would make sense for families on lower incomes to know exactly what they were eating,” said Donbavand.
Taking inspiration from fellow author, Terry Deary, who suggested this week that libraries should be closed and poor people in the UK given an e-reader instead, Donbavand is keen to garner as much self-publicity as possible for his own unpopular opinions.
“If Terry can get on TV and in all the papers by making ridiculous statements about libraries having had their day, then just imagine how much free PR I’ll get for suggesting we eat librarians!” he said.
“Growing up, I regularly visited my local library where I took advice from the friendly, experienced librarians on what amazing adventure to read next. It’s what set me on the path to becoming an author. However, like Terry, now that I’ve achieved my goals, I don’t want anyone else to have that opportunity.”
“And with all those closed libraries, this is a way for qualified librarians to continue to be some use.”
Donbavand has suggested that librarians could be rounded up and transported to a suitable abattoir in the vans used until recently as mobile libraries, once we’ve seen sense and got rid of those as well.
“Terry Deary said that bookshops are closing down because libraries give books away for free,” continued Donbavand. “With that in mind, it’s only fair to give the now unemployed booksellers first dibs on the sliced and diced librarian meat.”
“Oh, and if you superglue several kittens together, they’d make a pretty good draught excluder. Probably.”
Newspapers, TV shows and Hollywood producers can provide free publicity for Tommy Donbavand by emailing him at firstname.lastname@example.org